Take Up Space

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Dear Rose,

How I wish I could fast forward you to now, 22 years on and help you look back and see how beautiful you are.

I wish I could magic away all the unkind words you mutter at your reflection as you stand in front of the mirror in your room. Replace them with the truth.

I know every night you sob into your pillow, haunted by the picture drawn of you by a classmate, pinned up in the school corridor. A ball with two bunches. Laughing faces crowding around the notice board.

I know you can still hear the taunting poem echoing in your dreams ‘She’s fat, she’s round, she bounces on the ground, her name is Rosie.’

It was prepubescent puppy fat, prior to womanhood. That didn’t matter though, I know. Their words wounded, left their mark, like nails in wood.

But I have something I need to tell you. I need you to listen hard.

Under that baggy jumper you always wear, hiding a body that is too thin right now, a future miracle waits to happen.

I want you to know, that this body of yours, the one you berate, the one you use to control the chaos that is your life right now, this body is going to do something amazing one day.

Your body is going to create three human beings with his eyes and your lips.

Your body will soften and strengthen. You will eat cake, turn your face to the sun and my beautiful, you will TAKE UP SPACE.

Food will nourish your body, it will make you strong, you will come to understand its power to make you thrive. It will become the means by which you nurture friendships and tether family.

Extended family Sunday lunches, Saturday night spaghetti suppers, custard slices and pots of tea, eaten in front of the Eldorado omnibus. Happy memories from your own childhood, reconjured in a mouthful.

Your body and mind will conquer and create so much. Your body only deserves kind and gentle words, my love. Your body will become the vehicle with which you will LIVE life.

Your body will extend three ways, outside of your body and call you mummy. It will cartwheel, climb trees and bump its knees and you will love every inch of it.

It will stop being the tool with which you damage your self-worth.

You will eat the cake.

No longer dying to be invisible.

You take up space.

Stand in it my love, stand in your space.

All my love,

Your future self xx

 

 

169 thoughts on “Take Up Space

  1. Loved it! You know it may not occur to some but I feel like, being a naturally small person, also allergic to corn syrup (can’t eat much lol) that it’s actually sometimes just as hard to be small. people call you stick girl. Tell you you need to “eat a cheese burger.” or ask if you’re anorexic or do drugs to be skinny. People can be so unkind no matter what size you are. Stress can make us all either eat nothing and become sick or eat too much and do the same.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Our egos are so vulnerable, it is so easy to make us feel that we are bad people, and that we are unworthy. Indeed, the goal should be to help us feel good about ourselves when we are made honest and reasonable. Thank you for sharing.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. I shared this post. It’s wonderful and I think everyone should read it. I think we all wish we could be there for our younger selves, to comfort and empower them. This was beautiful and it’s inspiring. Thank you. I think I may write one for myself as well. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  4. I just read this for the second time. It is so beautiful and meaningful and something I’m trying to navigate through for myself. I cannot thank you enough for sharing this.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Pokes lady just to check if she is day dreaming. Leaves a few quotes from various peoples, these quotes I enjoy, admire ad collect, and just to see if they entice your soul to explore.
    I can say although I was not born deaf, I can relate in so many ways to the pain of being different, of having someone I loved so much commit Suicide because of the pain and trying to escape the tormenting. And in my later years now inching my way towards troubled communication and someday becoming def as American Actor, fitness trainer, fitness consultant, retired professional body builder, once winner of IFBB Mr. American, and twice consecutive IFBB Mr. Universe Louis Jude “Lou” Ferrigno. Soon after Lou was born he suffered a series of ear infections and lost 75 to 80 percent of his hearing. Lou as well as you, was bullied, tormented in school, as they would call him ‘Deaf Louie, deaf Mute’, because of the way he sounded due to his hearing loss. Lou is a fantastic guy, a father, and hero of many.

    ‘Rose, you too are an inspiration to many in your inspirational writings. I find that even they whom are not deaf, and are also bullied have suffered greatly from peers and even from mean family, as I find it is the duel whom do not realize that their taunting and cruelty becomes their own addiction and thus taint their inner spirit their own souls and some are but many are not even aware of their dark illness of their darkening spirit.

    And with that said Rose, I am going to quote one of my favorite inspirational people the Late great Helen Keller: ~ All the World is full of suffering, it is also full of overcoming of it.” Helen’s writings and sayings are as timeless as they are all reaching to every human being of whatever they sufferer or whatever be their addictions and reason of pain. It is the enlightenment of others we share this earthly realm with.

    ‘I was raised in isolation by two very self centered gambling addicts, and braking out was nothing easy when you have had no love, no family or parent inner action, but when we do, when we understand there are no bars upon invisible cages. Life begins. Sometimes the inner fears were never self warranted, and the imperfectness the flaws we deem as flaws never were.
    A Quote for inspiration: ~ A Positive Attitude may not salve all of your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. – Herm Albright (1876 – 1944).

    And two Quotes from the late great Helen Keller, she wrote: ~ once I knew only darkness… my life was without past or future… but a little word from the fingers of another fell into my hand that clutched at emptiness and my heart leapt into the rapture of living. Helen Keller.
    The young woman whom held out Helen’s hand palm up, and made signed Hello’ was Annie Sullivan and the two became inseparable lifelong friends.
    Helen also wrote: ~ What I am looking for is not out there, it is within me.”
    Well I hope you enjoyed these quotes and your morning tea.

    / Also
    If I may Rose, I would like to make mention here and bring something very needed to yours and other reader attention as to the torment of many pet dogs, which suffer from fireworks exploding in the skies upon out nations celebrated Fourth of July, not to mention the many fires those explosives cause and the damage to wildlife habitats and destruction of many homes.
    Upon becoming Def – As I was raised in Isolation, meaning as ‘latch – Key’, never fitting in with my gambling addicted cruel Father and Step Mother, kind to many others as they were socialites, masons’ they always sent away to my room, to never sit and enjoy the company of my father and child hating step mother, I spoke very few words ever in their presence, we never conversed as that was their choice.

    My companions for 13 years were, My Loving Dog Mugzy, 1968 to 1973, he was a jet black Spitz and spaniel mix, I loved him so very much, admired him as he napped, had to touch his velvety ears, they were twitch, but his know he was dearly loved, and about the physique he was as small as Female Black Labrador retriever but slim. Loving and loved to play ball. When he passed away upon July 4th 1973, as tormented every fourth of July by the City populaces horrid loud exploding fireworks, hours upon hours of them (his ear pain ongoing, so said his yelps and cries) during Fourth of July Fireworks, one forth while chained and leashed he jumped over a empty four foot pool and hung himself upon a sliding stainless steel “Choker” “Chain collar” my father kept him leashed on this.

    So my protest is to both Explosive fireworks as well as to the use of ‘Sliding ‘Choker Chain Collars upon Pets and working farm-dogs.

    I am partially deaf now days and every day losing more of my hearing, to working in Sawmills producing very high and ear damaging noises in work I did many decades ago, 1980’ 1981.

    So there will be a vast many of the now generation with self destroyed hearing, due to the placement of loud stereos with huge base speakers in their cars sad but a soon coming fact. If you invest in the stock market, the companies which produce hearing aids would be a promising investment for now and future stocks, as there are a vast many in yesterdays and today’s populace that ware and are blatantly destroying their own hearing.

    Companies to invest in such as Siemens ’ Corporation. They are a huge corporation started out of Munich, Germany, with Siemens USA. Makers in advanced electronics, aerospace industry. Many sub manufacturing and research in fields of study. It is as huge as Boeing and as Rockwell international. But there will be a huge demand for hearing aid devices, when I was shopping for advanced hearing aids, I tried out a pair of Electronic computer tuned digital hearing aid by Siemens, and oh my god they were highly advanced and high quality as compared to other hearing aid companies that were available at that time late early 1990s. I did not buy them as they were very expensive, as they were high end, micro digital hearing aids. But that would be the company of which I would be investing in. Thought I would mention it.

    Thank for you inspiring post and sharing of it Rose.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. This is inspirational I was a large girl most of my life. Lost weight in my teens and got mental illness and medications have made me gain 100 extra pounds. It’s really sad and frustrating how mean people can be. Great work. Xo

    Liked by 2 people

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